Aggravation

Until recently, I had not fallen prey to a fast-fix gimmick. I don't really know what changed this weekend that I decided to order a weight-loss product, when, after all these years, I've refrained. Okay, okay, I did buy some Hydroxycut a couple of years ago but I didn't last a week trying it. It made me too jittery and nauseous. At any rate, Sunday evening as I read this "news article" in a "women's health magazine, I realized that I HAD to order a "free trial!" of an appetite suppressant. But wait! It only works if I also by the cleanse product as well. It will be so easy, just take an oral dose twice a day. There's no need to change my diet or exercise program! The belly fat will melt off! The woman who was "lucky" enough to evaluate the product for her magazine wrote that she lost 10 pounds in two weeks! She was finally at 121 lbs! Her before picture, at an apparently "huge" 131 lbs, and after picture, 21 lbs later, were all the proof I needed. I grabbed my credit card and ordered my free trial. After all, I only needed to pay for the shipping and handling! A 30-day trial for both the appetite suppressant and the cleanse for only $10 shipping? Sign me up! I haven't even started the trial but I can already show you my before and after pictures. Ready?

Here they are...

Before

After

Look at that sour expression! And I haven't even started the program! If ever there has been a gimmick to annoy me out of ever falling for a gimmick again, it's this one.

Let's review the fine print:
30-day free trial is actually only 14 days. If I don't cancel after 14 days (from ordering, not receiving) and return the unused portion, my credit card will be charged $80. A month. Until I cancel.

But wait! There's more! I get to also pay the shipping to return the product!

And as if that weren't enough, today I received my very! first! phone call! Oh joy! They just needed to confirm my shipping information, even though the products have already shipped! Oh, did I ignore the email about the free 21-day trial with live body coach?? Sure I'm not interested, but they'll go ahead and email later that I activated the program! Oh goody! I get to call and cancel that too before my card is charged another $20/month!

Even with all of that, I think the icing on the gimmick cake was when I told my little antidote to two of my coworkers, a kind of "Silly Julia" story. (Yes, I overshare at work. I don't learn THAT lesson either.) When I said I would have to return the product as soon as I received it, one of them commented, "Or you could still take the pills."

After-after

Oh, I am just as pleased as punch right now. I think I'll go for a run.

Homework

For the past two weeks I've been doing my homework. Now it's time to seriously commit to it. Not for glory, or accolades, or magic fix-its (to which yesterday's run can attest)...but to make it part of what I do. To make it a habit. To train with purpose. To achieve a goal. Then another goal. And another...

Happy National Running Day!

http://www.runningday.org/

Yay! Running!

"I feel like I've been running, because I did."

It's the wisdom of an 8-year old. "I feel like I've been running." [pause] "Because I did." 

My hip was achy yesterday. I couldn't place why until I remembered, oh yeah, I ran 3 miles yesterday evening. It's frustrating to have only 3 miles cause my hip to ache. It's frustrating to have my pace be slower than a year ago. It's not unexpected, given my lack of training, but it is still disappointing. A recent entry in my Runner's World daily calendar stated the following:

"Live in the now. Seven-time Western States camp Scott Jurek focuses on the moment to get him through rough spots. 'I tune in to my breath, technique, and my current pace, and I stay away from what lies ahead,' he says. This is especially helpful when 'what lies ahead' is another 99 miles."

I'm in a rough spot right now. Not because of 99 miles to go, but because of how far behind in training I am. However, now is not the time to dwell on last year's pace, or last year's progress. It's time to focus on my running right now, in this moment, at this pace. Time to give myself more opportunities to say "I feel like I've been running. Because I did."

My two left feet

I looked down after putting on my socks and saw this:

Huh. Oh well. That's how my running of late has felt anyway, like I have two left feet.

 

Stumbling

Bumbling

Fumbling

My running isn't smooth. It isn't fast. It isn't long. Right now, running is as much an exercise in patience as it is an exercise of my body. I feel frustrated, sore, weak, fat, and slow. Still, I pull on the shoes and go. Because it won't get better if I don't. 

Bounding!

Runner's World Daily Calendar Entry

Once or twice a week, in the middle of your regular workouts, bound from foot to foot for about 30 meters. Maximize your “air time” while minimizing the amount of time each foot spends on the ground. Cover more distance with these bounds than you do with your normal strides.

I'm a big fan of the workout ideas in my Runner's World daily calendar. Actually implementing them is a whole other story.

Enter my Little Man.

Right now, my 8-year old is interested in running. He ran in the Grim Mile last June. He also ran a 5K with me last August. "Remember when I beat you, Mommy?" he often says. Kids... [insert eye roll] Since he'd like to participate in both of these events again, he's started running with me. Yesterday, he ran a mile with me to a local playground then played on the swings while I ran rectangles around the park to finish out my 3.1 miles.

Here's the thing about running with a kid, while he gets tired by the end of the mile, he rebounds quickly. So by the time I was done with my additional 2 miles, he was ready to go again. I had purposely decided to run the 2 miles around the park and have us walk the mile back to the house because I assumed he wouldn't want to run again. I was wrong. The resulting journey home convinced me of one thing: my workouts should be more kid-like, that is I should make a game out of them.

The rules of Little Man's game were simple...on the "lighter colored" sidewalk squares, run through them trying to just take one step on each square. Extra points were awarded if you had minimal steps leaping across driveways. Stopping and jumping from square-to-square was also allowable. The points system was a little arbitrary and difficult to follow, but, to be fair, he is 8. At first, I watched but didn't participate. Then I remembered the above calendar entry from over the weekend. I realized that really what my son was doing was bounding. And it didn't seem like such a "workout" to bound with him. I'm fairly certain that the folks working in their yards were probably amused watching a grown woman leaping down the sidewalk after her son. But I'm also fairly certain that looked a lot less strange than if I did that on my own. Either way, I had fun and got some extra exercise in. The points were tallied and I'm sure I didn't earn as many as Little Man, however I've already requested a recount. Results pending... ;)

Heartbeat

I refused to believe it was possible. Still, not wanting to be in the dorm bathroom in case I was wrong, I walked over to the science building to where I knew there was a private bathroom. Three minutes later I looked at the result. 

Positive

My heart stopped. 

And then, the floodgates

I wandered the campus until I ended up at my voice teacher's apartment. I had worked for Christine for two summers in the Upper Penisula. She was an opera singer, a soprano, with presence and confidence. She was also a no-nonsense woman. "Well? What are you going to do?" she asked in response to my tears. 

I still refused to believe. 

A couple more tests, including bloodwork at the on-campus clinic. 

All positive

More tears

The nurse practitioner was more gentle when she asked, "Have you thought about what you'd like to do?" For me, there was only one choice. 

As I laid on the exam table in the clinic, my mind swirled at the realization of my abruptedly altered course. I was twenty. I was scared. 

The nurse squeezed some gel on my abdomen and moved the probe around. At first it was just the echoing sounds coming from me but she quickly zeroed in. 

A heartbeat

My heart stopped.

The next months were a whirlwind of emotional stress and life changing decisions. Through it all that little heartbeat that didn't belong to me stayed strong. She grew. Steady. Healthy. Beautiful. 

What I didn't know when I first heard her little heartbeat, so fast and determined, was how it would grow into such a strong and generous heart. How she would learn compassion and love. How she would give her heart so easily to those she cared about. How she would open herself up making her own heart vulnerable. She grows. Steady. Healthy. Beautiful. 

Her heartbeat changed mine.