The other side of the wall

In my overachieving I have been contemplating running three marathons within 90 days of each other thereby qualifying for the Marathon Maniacs, an online running community. After registering for the Chicago Marathon, I browsed other marathons within the 90 day window. I settled on a September 22nd marathon in Omaha and a November 10th marathon in Madison. But I was hesitant about taking the official plunge, i.e. actually registering. Even so I mapped out the training schedule, courtesy of my Runner's World magazine and got to work. Only one tiny problem...I have been hitting a wall on my long runs. Not to mention, missing some weekly training runs and completely eliminating any cross training. On top of all of that, my eating has been unchecked and unhealthy. My "tiny" problem has turned into a huge, daunting wall. And I keep hitting the wall, over and over and over again. Mind you, I hadn't changed any of the other elements that have contributed to my poor running performance, I just keep hitting the wall, expecting different results while keeping all the same bad habits. I believe this is the definition of insanity.

My mid-August long run was a decision point for me. There was a slight chance I may have run another half marathon on that August 10th and I had decided ahead of time that if it worked out and I ran that half, I would not run Omaha because I would be behind in my Omaha training. If I didn't run that race and I completed my 18 mile training run, I would make my journey to Omaha official. Decision day came and I wasn't running the half but I still had to make it through the 18 miles. I was seemingly off to a good start when suddenly with 7 miles to go, there is was, The Wall. I was thrown back in time to my St. Louis marathon when half way through I inexplicably started hyperventilating. It was the second time this training season that this feeling has overwhelmed me and brought my run to a quick end. I gave up. I stopped my watch. I turned around. I walked back. I quit. 

Quitting is a discouraging feeling. And, I'm not ashamed to say, I cried about it. Not a lot, but the tears were there just the same. I made the decision to let Omaha go. And for that I was sad. I was sad that my training wasn't taking the shape I wanted. I was sad that I quit. I felt like I failed. Here's the thing about failing: "Failing isn't in the falling down; it's in not getting back up again." So even though my training isn't going as originally intended, I'm not staying down. I'm getting back up. I'm using a different training program, one more suited to my needs as a runner and I'm scaling that wall. Because you know what's on the other side? Possibility. Promise. And a goal worth working for. Here's to the other side of the wall. Here's to getting back up again. Cheers, friends. Here's to running.