January 20, 2009 - 2 miles + pilates

I ran a nice 2 miles in 24 minutes. And I listened to music. That definitely made running on the treadmill more enjoyable. Then I tackled the 20-minute pilates with Mari Windsor. It's getting "easier" but my back is bothering me on some of the exercises so I think my position isn't quite right. I'm planning to switch to 3 days a week for pilates then after a couple weeks switching to the 57-minute DVD. That's the plan for now at least. I'm also planning to add in a weekend run again too. Maybe eventually I'll up my speed but for now I'm content with running 12s. =)

January 16, 2009 - 1.5 miles + pilates

Ugh! I had wanted to run last night but yesterday was so! long! It's freezing here...no, below freezing....and, I know, it's colder in Minneapolis but still.... =) Just so! cold! Anywho, because of this Isabelle's school was canceled. So she came to work with me, where she is not actually allowed to be. I brought her anyway. She did awesome! I brought our laptop so she could play games. She drew on my white board. She colored on paper. She made paper snow flakes. She played webkinz and even watched a movie. I was sad to have to go to the lab! Isabelle was having way more fun than me! And even though she was so well behaved, I was still exhausted by the end of the day. It is difficult to be 100% mommy and 100% employee, I think I average about 75% on both...not too shabby! My lab is two doors down from my office so about every 10 minutes I'd travel back to my desk to check on Isabelle. Sometimes I had to run to the upstairs lab. As a result, I got quite the number of steps in on Thursday (walking and stairs)! Naturally, I wore the wrong shoes too, so my feet were pretty sore. Plus, I was tired.
Then after work, on our way home, I realized I needed to head to my parents' house to pick up the birthday present (from them) for my niece. We're traveling there to visit tonight and I said I'd bring it with me. We did that, then stopped at BK for sandwiches (veggie burger for me!) and made it home at 8 p.m., tired, crabby, and hungry.
Finally, full and happy it was off to bath time. The kids wanted to bathe together which is fun for them but ends with a wet floor, four towels to dry the floor, and a screaming (literally), cold William who only (finally) calmed down after being fully in pjs and cuddled in bed. Fortunately, due the the age difference, I could attend to him while Isabelle finished up on her own and got ready for bed. By the time this was all said and done, including reading books, it was probably about 9:45 p.m. Needless to say, when William asked me to lay down with him, I wasn't about to argue and that is where Matt found me, asleep, when he got home at 11:15 p.m. We packed the kids' clothes for my trip today and then it was off to bed (officially) at 1:00 a.m.
Knowing that I wouldn't run this weekend and having potlucks to contend with on Saturday and Sunday, I set four alarms (three are on my cell phone) to get up at 5:00 a.m. to run this morning. I was successfully up at 5:15 a.m. thanks to my bladder...nature's alarm...and running by 5:40 a.m. after switching laundry so I would have clothes for the weekend. It was a struggle to be motivated to run when I knew I still needed to finish packing. But I decided not to think about it and just do it. "Just get in a mile and pilates," I told myself. As I was running, I was thinking about the lack of motivation and reminding myself that this is only week 2 back to running. I need to allow myself time to make it a habit again. And even if it's a habit, I'm not always going to want to run. I'm struggling with guilt over "only running" a mile or two after having clocked so many miles when training for the marathon. I'm also sorting out the "pushing myself" versus "overdoing it" mentality and physically. I don't was to do too much so that I burn myself out but I do want to push myself. I really would like to work up to running 3 - 4 miles during the week and some 5 - 6 miles on the weekend. But I don't have a running plan and that's where my issue is. So I'll work on it. There's a 10-mile race that ends at Soldier Field in May that I'm considering, especially since I've never, ever been to Soldier Field. Maybe I'll make that my goal. Anyway...since I was determined to do a mile in my tired, completely unmotivated state, I decided to push myself (mentally) to a mile and a half. Not a big push but a little one. I'm still sorting out running again afterall. I stuck to a 12-minute pace too.
Afterwards, I did the 20-minutes pilates with Mari Windsor. She's so mean to me! She kept saying, "Now we're ready for ______". But I wasn't ready! I even told her and she completely ignored me. And I am not feeling more sculpted like she said at the end. Seriously! At least she said I did a good job. That does make me smile. ;)

January 14, 2009 - 1 mile

Just one mile tonight because I started at 10 p.m. and was super tired. I ran it in 11:26 - the first 3/4 mile at a 11:32 pace and the last 1/4 mile at 10:54 pace. One mile's better than none! =)

I'm feeling most positive too. I guess my venting was therapeutic! =D

January 13, 2009 - 2 miles + pilates

Let's start with last Sunday. Somehow, I got it in my head that it would be a good idea to weigh myself Sunday morning to see what kind of damage had been done from 2 months off plus overeating Thanksgiving through the New Year. Survey says.....up 8 pounds. Ugh. And I know that at least half of that was put on during my two week vacation around and after Christmas. The kicker is that I had gained weight while training for the marathon (how unfair is that???). And, please, I know the whole "muscle-weighs-more-than-fat" thing but I doubt the marathon weight gain was a muscle gain thing. It probably was more related to the dramatic increase in the amount of food I was consuming. And not necessarily healthy food either. Honestly, cookies will always taste better than carrots. ALWAYS. Anywho, so really I'm up 15-20 pounds from where I should be and 30-40 pounds from where I want to be. *sigh* Plus some of my pants are tighter now. double *sigh* So now begins the self-depreciating thoughts and comments. Ugh.
Monday I was down. At work, everything made me want to cry. And it helps that I work with stick thin women. I'd like to say that I don't buy into the magazines, the actresses, the comparing to other women...but I do. I want to be stick thin. Matt says he doesn't like stick thin but I don't believe it. Right now I'm struggling so much with my self image that I am (mostly) convinced that I would be happier as a skinny woman. But even as I type it there is the small voice that's telling me not to believe that. That self-worth isn't related to dress size. Being healthy is important, no doubt. Feelings of self-worth does not make overeating/eating unhealthy an okay activity just as much depriving oneself doesn't increase self-worth. So I'm stuck. I still desire to be "those women". I could list a million things I don't like about my body and about myself. What a way to start the new year, right?
Now it's Tuesday. Monday I was such a bum and struggling with parenting alone while Matt worked late. Getting back into the swing of school has been a battle with my daughter. I have no patience and am beyond frustrated. So I didn't run Monday, I fell asleep. But Tuesday, Matt wasn't working late (due to picking up my now-fixed Roxy from the mechanic...yay!). Homework is still an issue but since Matt's home we can divide and conquer with the kids. He took William and I sat with Isabelle while she did her 8 billion math problems that she didn't do at school. Frustrations were minimized and homework time was almost pleasant. I still hadn't run though. Finally, Matt came upstairs with William and Isabelle finished reading her book so downstairs I went to the treadmill while Matt put the kids to bed. I had intended to run one mile and do my 20 minutes of pilates. But the run was feeling good so I thought I'd go for 2 miles but finish at least 1.5 miles. In the first half mile I was thinking about Monday and all my feelings about myself and how to protect Isabelle from falling into the same trap. I thought about all the things about my body that I was unhappy about. Then I thought about how frustrated Matt gets when I say self-depreciating comments. So I stopped...not running...the negative thoughts. I decided that I needed to spend some time listing off the things I liked about myself. Initially, I couldn't come up with anything (yikes!), but I kept at it. And I gave thanks to God for those things that make me, me. Maybe it's goofy or a little thing, but I feel liked it helped. Do my pants fit better? No - not yet. Are there things I don't like about myself - sure. And there probably always will be. But I want to do better about not focusing on those things. I want to run because it makes my feel good, not because I "need" to be a size zero. I want to live a healthy life...without giving up cookies altogether...just cutting back. =) I will be monitoring my eating and my weight because I still do want to lose some weight. But I don't want my weight to define me.
So, bound and determined as well as positively motivated, I completed my two miles in 24 minutes. Then I let Mari Windsor kick my abs in the 20 minute pilates video. And I enjoyed it.
Here's to happy running, actively thinking positive thoughts, and embracing who God has made me to be!

January 8, 2009 - 1 mile + pilates

My 12 minute mile kicked my butt today. I don't know if it was lack of a true supper (just had a little of this, some of that), the late hour, the two month hiatus, or a combination of everything. Whatever it was, my hips were tight and I was wandering all over the tread. Ah well, at least I did the mile. Then I completed my second day of the 20 minute Windsor pilates. I don't know why Mari Windsor hates me so much. But she does. The DVD proves it. Plus, I've done it twice! Why don't I look like the people on the video?!?!? I'm much more rollie-pollie and it makes me sad. Curse my flabbiness!!! Curse that it's so easy (and fun) to put on weight and so magnanimously difficult to lose it!!!! CURSES!!!!!
I guess, pilates is not a habit yet. Supposedly it takes ~million years to make it a habit (give or take) so I've got a while to go. Now if I could just stop thinking I'll end up looking like the people on the video....well...except for the man...I'd better not end up looking like a man! Yikes!

January 6, 2009 - 1.5 miles

I ran 1.5 miles tonight in 18 minutes. I definitely felt more sore today. Apparently the honeymoon is already over. =) And, because you need to know, due to the pilates my butt was sore when jiggling during running. Try to get that mental image out of your mind! Anywho, I had intended on running 2 miles but am (trying) to allow myself some time to ease back into it. Although Matt's response to me saying "I only ran one and a half miles" was "So? You did run a half a mile more than yesterday." Boys. They're so cut and dry. ;)

January 5, 2009 - Guess who's back?

Guess who's back?

Back in town?

Julia's back!

To run around!

=)

I'm very happy to report that I (finally, finally, finally) ran a mile last night!!! Hooray!!! Who'd have thought that after running a marathon, I'd be this excited about a mile. Seriously, I finished with my arms in the air...on a treadmill...like a rock star. =) My heel gave me no problems. Double hooray!! I still need to get orthotics for my running shoes to help prevent another injury and probably should have put my knee strap on my left knee. But I ran a 12 minute mile on the treadmill. And, even though it's been two months (yikes!), the muscle memory is still there. I'm thrilled! After the mile, I did my 20 minute Windsor pilates. I think I'm more effective at the pilates after running. It certainly kicked my abs! I'm enjoying the feeling of the good muscle tiredness.

Finding time to work out will be difficult this month because of Matt's work schedule. But I am thankful that I have the treadmill at home. As long as the kids get to bed at a decent time, I should be able to get a mile or two in several times a week. My goal is to do the 20 minutes pilates workout on the days I run a mile. Then to run at least two miles on non-pilates days (maybe even break out the free weights). I'm telling you all this so that you will all hold me accountable (and cheer me on, of course!). =)

My to-do list:

1. Purchase orthotics for me (and Isabelle actually)
2. Increase daily calcium and Vitamin D
3. Be consistent with running
4. Be consistent with pilates
5. Find some fun runs to use as goals