October 13, 2008 - 3 miles

Well here they are, the last three training runs. I skipped the weekend's run altogether. It was just too difficult timing-wise to get it in. This morning I ran 3 miles in 35:51 just a smidge under pace. Perfect. It's hard to believe I'm in the last week of training. The Chicago marathon was Sunday. I wasn't able to cheer on my friends in person but I watched the coverage on TV and played the role of stalker and monitored them online (hey, the TV said I could!). Although I haven't heard about their personal experiences yet, they all finished and did awesome! I'm so proud! Watching the coverage (the part I was able to watch focused on the elite runners) was interesting. Basically, I was left thinking, "What the heck have I gotten myself into???". My mind is pretty much in denial. My legs, enjoying the taper, probably think I'm done for the winter. My stomach, however, seems to know better and is fluttery. So, during this morning's run, I was again thinking about the road that brought me to this point, to The Marathon. Why did I, of all people, think I could do this? Why did I, of all people, think this was something worth doing? Honestly, I don't have an answer for either of those questions. But I do notice a change in me that has happened since I started back into running last March. There's a physical change, yes. But I'm talking more about the mental change.
I've gained a sense of pride in setting a goal, a goal seemingly impossible, and working towards the goal as well as being on the brink of actually achieving that goal. And not just with running a marathon, really in any aspect of life.
I've gained a sense of self-worth. Granted, I have a long way to go in truly seeing myself as someone of worth. I still see my physical flaws, my character flaws. But it lessens when doing something for myself. I feel like I am beginning to see myself through my husband's eyes. And, more importantly, through God's eyes. Eyes that see beyond what the world sees, beyond what the world expects. Eyes that see His creation and says that it is good. It's ironic that I have difficulty loving myself when God, who created all things, can love me. I am definitely not higher than God to say that I am not of worth!
Which brings me to my next gain...I've gained a stronger relationship with Christ. Granted this is not just through running; Matt and I have also been part of a couples Bible study. But the time spent running, sometimes listening to Christian alternative music, sometimes alone with my thoughts, sometimes in prayer, has strengthened my walk with God. Again, definitely an area that still needs growth! =)
Hopefully, I gained the opportunity to be a role model for my kids, especially my daughter. Today I was thinking of something she said to me the other day. I was asking her if she had gotten a participants ribbon for the race she ran last Saturday (when she ran awesome, running the whole mile, but happened to finish last). She said no, because it's too big of a meet to hand out ribbons to everyone. "But I know I'll get a medal when we do our race together, Mommy. Because all the losers get medals." Obviously, you see what caught my attention. I was quick to explain that it is the finishers that get medals and it doesn't matter if we're first or last but that we do our best. I thought a lot about how she worded that. I hope she can see her slow Mommy and realize that it's not about the place. That it's okay to be the slowest person out there. And that it's also okay to be the fastest person out there. The point is to do your best.
When I was in high school, an issue of Runner's World had a poster that I put on my wall. It said, "It's not about how fast or how far. It's about how running makes you feel." This has been at the front of my mind throughout this journey. But as the nerves about next Saturday grow, I really am beginning to appreciate that statement more and more. I really am beginning to appreciate the changes in myself. I thank God for this opportunity He's given me through running. And I pray that I make it to the finish line next Saturday. I know it will be hard. But I now know it will be worth it.