I'm afraid to say this as it might jinx things, but running is going really well! I'm enjoying it, even with the super intense head-wind yesterday. I'm so happy to be enjoying running again. Last season, I really didn't. It had become a chore. But now...well, this year it's completely different. I feel like I'm back to running because I want to be, not because I feel some grand obligation.
My race calendar is starting to populate now, too. Tomorrow is the Run to Remember Police Memorial 5K. I'm running with my sister-in-law and my hubby's best friend. On May 16th, I'll be the 5K leg of a triathlon relay with Bethie and Tina. I believe my half will be September 12th, but I haven't registered yet. Then I'll look into some neighborhood 5Ks, maybe with kid fun runs too!
My weight-loss goal is achieved, officially. However, it is not enough for me. What I am struggling with (as usual) is my self image. The core issues I have are still there, they have just re-manifested themselves. Before I was overeating for comfort. Now I am losing weight for comfort. I can calmly and "logically" say that I do not want to stop losing weight until the scale says a "certain number". I'm disappointed at the possibility that I may/will not get to that "certain number". It probably is too light for my frame anyway. But I don't want to really admit that. I think I should look a certain way. I know this is not healthy, but am afraid if I change my thought process, I will gain weight again and continue this awful yo-yo. I am still eating. I even splurge. But there is guilt, worry, calorie-fretting, etc. I am highly critical of my body flaws. When complimented by my hubby, I point these out. He gets annoyed.
I am taking baby steps though. Now, when I run, I focus on the strength of my legs. I remind myself of all my body has done and continues to do for me. She has been through two pregnancies, two c-section deliveries, two half-marathons, two full marathons, countless training days, the ins-and-outs of daily life, etc. Why should I put her down? I have been putting good food into her and she has rewarded me with enjoyable running and a slightly faster pace. So here's to the blessing of my body. Hopefully some day, I will not have to remind myself to be thankful.
That's enough emoting from me.
Happy Running!
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