I refused to believe it was possible. Still, not wanting to be in the dorm bathroom in case I was wrong, I walked over to the science building to where I knew there was a private bathroom. Three minutes later I looked at the result.
Positive
My heart stopped.
And then, the floodgates
I wandered the campus until I ended up at my voice teacher's apartment. I had worked for Christine for two summers in the Upper Penisula. She was an opera singer, a soprano, with presence and confidence. She was also a no-nonsense woman. "Well? What are you going to do?" she asked in response to my tears.
I still refused to believe.
A couple more tests, including bloodwork at the on-campus clinic.
All positive
More tears
The nurse practitioner was more gentle when she asked, "Have you thought about what you'd like to do?" For me, there was only one choice.
As I laid on the exam table in the clinic, my mind swirled at the realization of my abruptedly altered course. I was twenty. I was scared.
The nurse squeezed some gel on my abdomen and moved the probe around. At first it was just the echoing sounds coming from me but she quickly zeroed in.
A heartbeat
My heart stopped.
The next months were a whirlwind of emotional stress and life changing decisions. Through it all that little heartbeat that didn't belong to me stayed strong. She grew. Steady. Healthy. Beautiful.
What I didn't know when I first heard her little heartbeat, so fast and determined, was how it would grow into such a strong and generous heart. How she would learn compassion and love. How she would give her heart so easily to those she cared about. How she would open herself up making her own heart vulnerable. She grows. Steady. Healthy. Beautiful.
Her heartbeat changed mine.
